Stubborn Dad Needs more can than he will admit

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Stubborn Dad needs

more care than he will admit.

Dear Jaynie,

My dad needs to move into senior community. I feel he needs more of a smaller and cozier setting, but he is set on getting an apartment. How do I get him to understand his level of care is higher than he thinks and that just moving into an apartment would not meet his care needs?

As of now, my husband helps get dad in and out of the shower. I do all of dad’s laundry, clean his house, manage his medications, and make all of his meals. It is getting too difficult to run two households. Help!

– Madelyn, a worn out daughter.


Dear Madelyn,

It is difficult to have to move a senior loved-one at best, but you shouldn’t have to be the bad guy alone. Maybe you and your husband could sit down with him and tell him what it is you think he should do, and why. You haven’t mentioned anything about his cognitive levels, so I am going to assume he is alert, which can be harder, as they are more determined to be the boss.

If you don’t have any sisters or brothers to help, and sitting down with dad and your husband doesn’t work, sometimes bringing in a professional to assess and offer options to the senior is the next best thing to do. I find that if an outside consultant comes into the picture, the senior will offer more information. When the information is presented properly by a consultant, many times it is easier to get their buy in to the idea of moving to the correct setting.

Geriatric care professionals can most often than not provide information in a non-threatening way that gives the senior the feeling that he/she is making the decisions and not that the kids are taking over. It is very difficult for the senior to relinquish independence, especially to the their adult children.


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